Dreaming of joining the Army

i joined the Army during my Senior year of High School and enlisted 3 weeks after graduation. for 2 years and 19 weeks, i served as a 16-Romeo, which is Army speak for "Vulcan Crew Member". the Vulcan is a giant, 6-barreled Gatling gun mounted into the chassis of an Armored Personnel Carrier (APC). There is also a towed version. It fires 20mm shells at a rate of roughly 3,000 rounds per minute. its purpose was to shoot down aircraft, but it was outdated even when i was in. Stinger missiles were much more effective at that. helicopters, maybe, but fast movers? no way. if used on people, it would leave an unrecognizable puddle of red stuff. to my knowledge, it is no longer in use in the active duty military.

i spent a year in Korea (89-90) where i was lucky enough to go to the DMZ and see North Korea over the barbed wire. we spent a lot of time in the field preparing for war with the North. lucky it never happened while i was there: we all thought of ourselves as "speed bumps" to the North's unstoppable military machine.

my next duty station was Fort Bliss in El Paso, TX, but i only spent a month or so there and was shipped off to Iraq for the 1st Gulf War.

The last 6 months of my enlistment was spent back in Fort Bliss. i'd say Uncle Sam got his money's worth out of me in the short time i was in. looking back i have no complaints or regrets, however i can't imagine a circumstance that i would re-enlist at this point in my life.

so when i say "dreaming of joining the Army", it's not an aspiration: it is a recurring nightmare i've been having. it's always the same: it's current day and i'm leaving my wife and son to go off and join the Army. i don't know what has happened to lead me to the decision, but the emotions i feel are very real. "i'm almost 40...what am i doing joining the Army again?". "What about Andrea and Oscar? and Krusty? Will i ever see them again?". "Will i be sent to Iraq? Afghanistan? I don't want to die". etc.

thankfully, i'm able to wake up and realize it was all in my head. teary eyed and breathless, i wake Andrea and tell her about it and how thankful i am it wasn't real. but for plenty of people, it's very real. lately i've been thinking about those people: people who are having to leave their wives or husbands and their children to go off to a dangerous place, risking their lives. for what? National Security? whose?

my father was in Vietnam when i was born. he talked about being flown home shortly afterward and spending a week in Ohio. he said the quiet McConnelsville nights messed with his head. that, and the ridiculousness of it all: one day he's in Vietnam flying helicopters, getting shot at and the next night, lying awake in a bed in Ohio. going over to begin with must have been hell for him, leaving a wife, 2 kids and one on the way. imagine thinking "gosh, i may never see my daughters again or never see my son." now imagine having to go back. i don't think i could do it and i don't know how people do it now.

without getting too preachy, i just want to say that we are asking too much of our soldiers. it's not fair to keep sending them out for 12 or 15 month rotations in Iraq or Afghanistan. suicides are up, stateside murders by soldiers are up...we're killing them and it's time to bring them home.